Journal #5

Bell Tower

I could see it in the distance.
The lone tower at the edge of town
That stands erected in its bricked glory.

I could see the chipped brazen bell
That rings with a roaring resonance
And reverberates a warning and awaking.

There is a twist here.
It didn’t belong to the church
Or to the school or state buildings.

It was built by a crazy old kook
With a long white beard and frail body,
Who wore faded overalls and long sleeved shirts.

He said it was built as a warning,
One that tells the townsfolk to beware
Of the upcoming danger of a wall of black mist.

Everyone ignored his prophecy,
They didn’t care of the poor old man
Or the ramblings that he had to offer.

Dings and dongs had broken my thoughts
As the bell began its harsh ringing.
I began to tremble with fearful excitement.

Beyond the town’s limits there it was.
A colossal shade of black came rolling in,
Like a dust cloud of complete darkness.

I could see two large crimson eyes. Coming right at me.

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2 Responses to “Journal #5”

  1. dlamber2 says:

    second stanza *awakening.
    Watch for the tense changes going on in the last two stanzas, you start it off present tense, but then switch to past with “shade of black came rolling in.”
    I think the line “there is a twist here” is too blatant– let the reader think for themselves that there is a twist, by simply saying the surprising fact that it wasn’t built for a church or school or state buildings.
    I love the narrative aspects of this poem– I would love for it to be longer, and really give it the Epic qualities that is expected from a poem telling a story– maybe use more detail of the conflicting emotions the character feels with the cloud rolling in, or the old man’s reasoning behind building it, or how he built it (on his own?), and what the black cloud forbodes/signifies? This is the start of something really exciting to read!

  2. InfiniteHope says:

    First person the first two stanza’s and last, but a narrative voice in between. Is the Old Man the one talking through it all? I don’t quite understand what this black is, and am I to assum this black is what owns the large crimson eyes. I do like the eerie feel to this. Play with it more.